SEC Football Vibes: The Mario Kart 64 Edition

    Take a look at what we’re vibing on in the SEC, as we compare each conference football head coach to a character or special box on the epic game Mario Kart 64.

    October 2, 2016

    Take a look at what we’re vibing on in the SEC, as we compare each conference football head coach to a character or special box on the epic game Mario Kart 64.


    There are two things that get us excited here in the Campus Insiders office: college sports and Mario Kart 64. Oh yes, that sweet, sweet game that combines speed, strategy and, if lucky, a few lightning bolts. We play it every day at lunch or after hours, and it can get competitive. One young man who shall remain nameless (cough … recruiting expert Rob Judin … cough) takes it extremely seriously. I would be worried for his health if he didn’t get to pick Yoshi.

    Other than Mario Kart, I’ve been vibing on some crutches lately after injuring my ankle this past weekend, some Pad Thai from a place right near the office that luckily delivers to my crippled self, and the fact that having two good feet to help you get into the shower in the morning is something we all take for granted.

    It is go time, so pick your favorite track (Wario Stadium), load up on those boosting mushrooms, and try avoiding those pesky red shells as we race into comparing each SEC coach to a figure from Mario Kart in our latest SEC Football Vibes.

    Erik Czupryn

    Mario (Nick Saban) – Short, wears red, and likes to be in control of everything.

    Toad (Gus Malzahn) – Likes to go extremely fast, but can easily get way out of control. Toad probably likes to delegate responsibility as well.

    Yoshi (Jim McElwain) – No reason, other than when I hear the Florida head coach talk, I imagine that he still thinks dinosaurs roam the Earth somewhere in Asia and that Jurassic Park was a documentary.

    Peach (Hugh Freeze) – Comes across as a ninny, but is actually pretty good.

    Luigi (Kevin Sumlin) – Always trying to prove to his brother Mario (Texas) that he can make it on his own, and damn it, he’s going to become the best plumber (football program) in the nation.

    Wario (Ed Orgeron) – Most likely drives a Hummer.

    Donkey Kong (Bret Bielema) – Big, boorish and likes to squash people as much as he can. Extremely slow but always in contention at the end.

    Bowser (Dan Mullen) – Embraces wearing the black hat. No one likes Bowser.

    Ghost Special Box (Barry Odom) – Many people forget this box exists until it pops up and they say, “Oh yeah. That is a thing.”

    Green Shell (Mark Stoops) – When you shoot it, it usually ends up coming back and hitting you and screwing up everything.

    Three Green Shells (Will Muschamp) – Only useful for defense.

    Mystery Box (Kirby Smart) – When secretly placed in the midst of all the other better boxes (Alabama coaching staff), it can really do a number to the opposition.

    Endless Mushroom (Butch Jones) – You get it and you think to yourself, “Yes, this is when I take the lead and win,” and then it ultimately disappoints you after you end up running into a wall (or Alabama).

    Banana Peel (Derek Mason) – Nothing appealing (pun intended) but can slip you up every now and then.

    Lightning Bolt (Greg Sankey) – When you see bolt (or Sankey’s name) pop up on the screen, you know things are about to get real.

    MORE: 1-128 College Football Rankings – Week 5

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