Ohio State In The Playoff? College Football Cavalcade of Whimsy, Dec. 1

    LSU has a bigger issue than just Les MIles. Pete Fiutak comments on the college football world.

    December 1, 2015


    Follow and/or Contact or Baskets of Mini Muffins to @PeteFiutak

    – By the way, I’m starting up the Daily Cavalcade now with a hit a day going into the offseason with the most brilliant takes on college football thingys in the history of our planet. Follow me already for updates

    Sorry if this column sucks. It’s not my fault …

    Georgia made the “mutual decision” for me that it sucked.

    Put them in or Zeke Elliott will complain again – and rightly so

    Ohio State is one of the four best teams in college football. It just is, and it’s now the proverbial team that no one wants to face.

    It’s also not going to be in your 2016 College Football Playoff.

    The coaching staff gacked away the Michigan State game – assuming the only way they lose with Connor Cook on the bench was by making a bunch of big mistakes – lost, and then the team collectively said, “enough is enough” and finally showed up as expected in the win over Michigan.

    And now it’s too late.

    The fraught fans from America’s Safety School aren’t quite getting it as they’re rationalizing ways to get their team into the fun again. Unfortunately for them and their Buckeyes, the only possible path is if Florida upsets Alabama in the SEC championship and USC shocks Stanford in the Pac-12 title game, and even then they wouldn’t be a lock if the committee is all about the conference champions – and that bass – and thinks the Gators deserve to be in because it beat the big, bad, Crimson Tide.

    No, Ohio State, you’re not getting in over North Carolina if it beats Clemson. At least I think you’re not getting in over North Carolina if it beats Clemson, but I get it, Buckeye fans. Yeah, your team could absolutely win the whole darn thing again if it gets in, but …

    YOU BLEW IT.

    Ohio State didn’t win its conference. It didn’t win its division. It played two teams – at least before the Dec. 1 rankings – in the CFP top 25, waxed one, and lost to the other.

    North Carolina might be on an 11-game winning streak, but it lost to a miserable South Carolina team and the best wins are against Miami – probably the fourth-best team in the ACC – and Pitt, which means its best wins suck.

    But there’s one, big, gigantic, Bring Your Own Guts problem you can’t get past, Ohio State – and, again, I’m with you on the whole wanting-to-see-your-team-in thing. If North Carolina wins, that’ll mean it 1) beat the No. 1 and unbeaten Clemson Tigers, which blows past beating that Michigan team rankings-wise, and 2) it’ll be the ACC champ, and you’re not.

    Next up for Ohio State fans as they reach into their bottomless bag of grouchies – whining about not going to the Rose Bowl.

    Not to kill the buzz, kids, but your rivalry doesn’t actually matter when Michigan State is playing this weekend and you’re not

    Here’s the official Cavalcade of Whimsy corporate stance on all things rivalry. I will openly root against whichever side does the more moronic gesture in an attempt to belittle the rival. Ohio Governor John Kasich banning khakis gets filed under goofy, but Jim Harbaugh smashing a buckeye with a hammer on Bo Schembechler’s grave is … really?

    If wearing your school sweatshirt to work is a 1, and being a grown man wearing a jersey is a 4, and poisoning trees is at a 10, seriously, the head coach cracking a nut on a grave is about a 6.2 on the creepy meter. You know what’s a really fun tradition? Not being steamrolled over by the other team’s running game.

    Because the world needs more bad article ideas …

    Sadly, I’m not joking. In a year when I’ve been asked if Nick Saban has lost it, and Les Miles came within a whim of being fired, I’m waiting for the first Jim Harbaugh Lost To Ohio State So He’s On A Hot Seat article by some click-hunter.

    Sorry if this column sucks so far. It’s not my fault …

    Unlike Les Miles, I was not spared by LSU athletic director Joe Alleva. Jimbo Fisher wanted to take over the column, so Alleva – like he did during the third quarter of the Tiger win over Texas A&M – went with the will of the crowd and voted me out.

    ”What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets?”

    I don’t know for a fact that there was a collective fist-pump by the College Football Playoff committee after ole Connie Ukropina nailed that 46-yarder straight and true to break Notre Dame hearts far and wide, but that’s about as big a break as the playoff process could’ve possibly had asked for.

    Just because it’s all going to work – Oklahoma, Big Ten champ, ACC champ, Alabama in, and if Alabama loses, Stanford in, and if Alabama and Stanford both lose, Ohio State in – it doesn’t mean everything is kosher.

    Here’s where this could’ve been really, really ugly.

    At the moment, Oklahoma is the one team we all know for absolutely sure is in the playoff. However, a Notre Dame win over Stanford would’ve taken that off the table, at least in terms of the debate, because there’d be no rational explanation to have put the Sooners in over the Fighting Irish considering the Texas factor.

    If Notre Dame’s one loss was to Clemson, and Clemson was 13-0 as the ACC champ, then it would’ve and should’ve been Clemson, Notre Dame, Big Ten champ, Alabama, and if Alabama lost, then OU and ND would both be in.

    But the committee likely would’ve put in Oklahoma because of the conference championship mantra, and the howling would’ve been deafening.

    It’s okay to make this really, really easy. Mandate that a one-loss Power 5 conference champion gets the nod over a one-loss independent no matter what. Don’t leave the wiggle room. Make it more concrete than the Conference Champions Rule suggestion that’s been outlined in the voting guidelines, and there won’t be a problem.

    And last year it would’ve been Florida State vs. Alabama

    Think of it this way, America. Clemson and Iowa are each a win away from that being your BCS Championship if this was two years ago. Alabama and Oklahoma would be in the Sugar Bowl playing for a fat load of jack squat.

    “Sure his hair is red/his eyes are blue/and he’s Irish through and through”

    Yeah, big-time programs, Chip Kelly went 46-7 with three straight 12-1 seasons, four BCS games, four Pac-12 titles and a national title appearance in his four years, but you really want this? You really want the guy whose NFL team is going through the motions? You really want the guy whose name will always be a cautionary tale? And even more than that, do you really want the gimmick? That dippy-tippy, quick-pitch offense thing he wants to do has proven to be just good enough to get you really, really close, and then it runs head-first into a wall against some SEC monster or Ohio State team.

    Sorry if this column continues to suck. It’s not my fault …

    According to the Illinois athletic director, much like the hiring of Bill Cubit, “it’s not ideal.”

    Now we can work on that ten-team thing.

    There. You happy now? After almost an entire year of explanations, trillions of taxpayer dollars, countless lives, and the innocence of a nation lost, can we all finally come to an agreement that the Big 12 doesn’t need a championship game? Now do you see why it’s actually better that it doesn’t have one?

    Compare the Big 12’s situation with the mighty, mighty SEC’s. If Florida wins, SEC out, SEC grouchy, SEC whiny. Meanwhile, had Baylor beaten TCU, there might have been a wacky scenario that two Big 12 teams could’ve gotten in, just like last year had there been SEC, ACC, and Big Ten upsets. Fine, so Wisconsin over Ohio State wouldn’t have technically been an upset. Shut up.

    And, by the way, I’ll also give it up to anyone in this day and age badass enough to still smoke. Yeah, screw you, cancer, emphysema, COPD, chronic bronchitis, death.

    I’ve smoked three regular cigarettes in my life. One was in college, because I was in college. One was as part of a Halloween getup, and the third was at Michigan State when the weather was 68 and sunny at gametime – I went in a T-shirt and shorts – and 40 and rainy by the second quarter. I was so cold that I thought anything remotely associated with fire might help my cause.

    I don’t care that it was a big game, and I don’t care that it was gripping, even if the level of play wasn’t all that great. I’ll give it up to anyone who sat through the entire Baylor-TCU game in the stadium, because that just sucks.

    Cold and snow, you know what you’re getting and you can bundle up. Warm and rain, okay, it’s sort of fun. But near-freezing and rain, no. That’s why God invented UCLA vs. USC.

    Saban rant about how everyone is taking this game lightly coming in 5 … 4… 3 …

    Is it possible to set the over/under on number of points Florida will score in the SEC championship game at 0.5?

    The sure-thing, 100%, rock-solid lock, sell the house, sell the kids, no doubt about it picks of the century for this week

    At some point this is going to flip the other way, but 7-1 ATS over the last two weeks with the one miss by a half a point taking Stanford and -3.5?! I actually sent out a text this week saying, “Tell me I didn’t just pay for your wife’s Botox.” 3-1 last week ATS, 4-0 straight up.
    – 39-10 straight up so far, 32-17 against the spread

    It’s the big finale, so let’s play Marvin Gaye and lettttt’s get it on.

    1. Northern Illinois +11.5 over Bowling Green (BGSU to win outright)
    2. Temple +7 over Houston (You heard me)
    3. Texas +21 over Baylor (BU to win outright)
    4. WKU -7.5 over Southern Miss
    5. Alabama -17 over Florida (oh, COME ON. Something’s missing here)
    6. West Virginia -6.5 over Kansas State
    7. San Diego State -7 over Air Force
    8. USC +4.5 over Stanford
    9. Michigan State -3.5 over Iowa (Warning: I’m not happy about this pick. Stay away)
    10. Clemson -5 over North Carolina

    C.O.W. shameless gimmick item …

    The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world

    1) Overrated: The Dab … Underrated: The Dabo

    2) Overrated: Stop motion animated Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer … Underrated: Stop motion animated Lily from AT&T ads

    3) Overrated: 5-7 teams getting into bowls … Underrated: Nebraska not paying assistants bowl bonuses if team offered a bid

    4) Overrated: “Dear Basketball” … Underrated: “I didn’t realize you wrote such bloody awful poetry, Mr. Shankly”

    5) Overrated: Screamy Gus Johnson … Underrated: Gus Johnson in silence as he let the drama or the moment play out at the end of Notre Dame-Stanford

    Sorry if this column sucked. It wasn’t my fault …

    Like Notre Dame, according to Brian Kelly, we’re all just two plays away from being undefeated and ranked No. 1

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