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Sorry if this column sucks, it’s not my fault …

Georgia Southern “ran through (its) ass like (bleep) through a tin horn, man.”

Joke all you want about the man’s rant – ask Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina if Nick wasn’t right.

LSU dumping Les Miles is the equivalent of the Dallas Cowboys wanting to get rid of Tony Romo because his wife isn’t Gisele Bündchen.

LSU, you’re going to get another head coach if/when you bail on Miles, but you’re not getting Nick Saban, so for right now, it doesn’t matter.

Here’s how utterly ridiculous this whole LSU saga is. If the Tigers had beaten Arkansas and Ole Miss, they still wouldn’t be in the national title hunt since Alabama is almost certainly going to win the SEC championship, and then, according to the “We Want To Be Alabama” mindset, Miles should be launched even though at 10-1 – remember, the McNeese State opener was cancelled – they would probably go to the Sugar Bowl instead of the playoff.

And what if LSU had lost to Ole Miss on the road in a wild 56-53 overtime shootout? Would you be convinced that the offense worked? Would you then think your head coach was okay?
Or, to make this even crazier, what if LSU had beaten Alabama, but lost to Arkansas and Ole Miss? There goes your problem with not beating Alabama.

LSU, you’re chasing something totally impossible right now.

Of course Alabama is beatable, but until Saban moves on, it doesn’t matter if you get Kirby Smart or Chip Kelly, or 2000 Nick Saban. Right now, what is out there that’s telling you LSU is one different head coach away from slaying the monster? What have you seen that says that your program can be that much better than Alabama every year for the next five years with a different head coach?

Remember, it took a miraculous kick-six by Auburn to knock the Crimson Tide out in 2013, and it took a massive performance by eventual-national-champion Ohio State to get by Bama last season.

2009, 2011 and 2012 … Alabama national championships.

2008 … Alabama was one all-timer of a fourth quarter from Tim Tebow away from going on to win the national title.

2010 was Auburn’s year led by a transcendent season from a Heisman-caliber and now NFL MVP-level Cam Newton. Yeah, LSU, you can get that once, but from 2008 until now, that 2010 season was the only real hiccup on the Alabama radar, and even then it was a 10-3 season closed out with a 49-7 bowl win over an awesome 11-1 Michigan State team.

The last eight seasons – assuming the Crimson Tide go on to win the SEC title this year – that’s three national championships, two playoff appearances (with the possibility of another national title), two epic losses thanks to two of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of college football, and one dumbass-weird special teams play away from playing for another national title.

And you think Jimbo Fisher is going to change that right away?

Miles might not be Bill Belichick, but he has a whopper of a team returning in 2016, a phenomenal recruiting class coming in, and a legacy as one of the greatest coaches in the history of the SEC. And now you’re just going to kick him to the curb when everything is in place next season to make a terrific run?

Or …

“The man you’ve been chasing is a killer. A Ghost. Rumor has it that he works for a group known only as “The Organization”. So secret, no one knows it exists. Takes no sides – yet it has ties to every government. Its sole purpose is the training and conditioning of professional killers. These men are selected at birth – rejects, orphans – all of them – unwanted and disposable. They are made experts in every aspect of combat. And programmed for one purpose… To Kill.”

And I’m not really joking here.

Instead of putting up $15 million of the reported $20 million buyout it would take to get rid of Les Miles, what if LSU’s goofy yee-ha types started a Get Rid Of Nick Saban fund?

I’m not suggesting putting Agent 47 on the case – I’m talking about all the SEC booster clubs raising a ridonkulous amount of cash to pay off a 64-year-old man to retire early.

You don’t think 13 SEC fan bases could combine forces to raise $100 million to get Saban out of Tuscaloosa? Or, what if they raised $50 million and gave it to Texas, or the Cleveland Browns, as part of a compensation package to help lure Saban away?

“On the money, if you need the money you could get that. You could get a million dollars. You could get it in cash. I know where it could be gotten. It is not easy, but it could be done. But the question is who the hell would handle it? Any ideas on that?”

There must be – oh, I don’t know – roughly a bajillion other better things that a bunch of spoiled-rich Jim Bob LSU boosters could be doing to help other humans with the roughly $20 million it would cost to buyout head coach Les Miles and his coaching staff. Click on this and then explain why paying off a rich coach who’s great as his job is a net positive on life as we know it.

And how much $ would the boosters raise to pay off what No. 7 loses if he gets hurt?

Les Miles will probably be paid $15 million not to be the LSU head coach next year.

Leonard Fournette will be getting paid nothing to be the best player in college football next year.

”Son, in 35 years of religious study, I’ve come up with only two hard, incontrovertible facts; there is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

Why, America, are you so desperate for Notre Dame to join a conference?

“Oh, well, if Oklahoma and Michigan State win out, they belong in the playoff because they won a conference championship.”

(Tongue sticking out) Phhhhfhffififffffffftfttfttftftf.

Notre Dame played Texas. It played at Clemson and at Pitt. It’s going to play on the road at Stanford, and it already beat USC. This year, playing at Temple matters, and while it’s not the Irish’s fault that Virginia, Georgia Tech and Boston College stink, those are brand name games from the Friends With Benefits world against the ACC that would normally be impressive, especially with the latter two played on the road.

Really? You need a t-shirt that has the word champion on it for an 11-1 season to be legitimized? I’m more than happy with the team playing better games throughout the season.

For as long as there’s a College Football Playoff, it’ll be called getting TCUed

Just as a heads up, Notre Dame lovers. This entire College Football Playoff ranking exercise is for just that – exercise.

Being ranked in the top four, No. 1, anywhere, doesn’t matter until the final game next Saturday night, and even then it’s not over if – because of the date with Army in a few weeks – Navy is 11-1 with an American Athletic championship. Remember, TCU was No. 3 last season in the next-to-last rankings and was bounced, and why? This week’s CFP rankings are your girlfriend. The CFP final rankings are your wife.

For now, this is all a snapshot. Not that the CFP doesn’t believe in the top 25 it’s putting out, but it’s all going to change at the very end. Once these become 100%, set-in-stone real, then it’s really about who those four best teams are. As is, the rankings are about the moment in time. The final ones are about taking into account the championship aspects and which teams are coming in rolling at the right time. That’s why …

Inspired by Cardale Jones and the polar opposite of the Tebow “Promise” speech

What if Ohio State is about to do this again?

Penn State has to beat Michigan State for this to happen, but that’s not off-the-charts crazy considering the Spartan quarterback situation and with how flaky the team has been this year.

The Buckeyes aren’t ripping teams apart like they did last season, but what if they beat Michigan with relative, not-a-blowout, 31-16 ease? Then, what if they jackhammer the Hawkeyes in a 41-7 dominant performance with all the parts working to win the Big Ten championship? They’d be 12-1, the one loss would be to a good-enough Michigan State team, and they’d be rolling at the very end, like they were last season.

They’d be in the fun. Again.

Maybe he’s just saving him for the playoff

Urban, what is it with you and your brain-cramps when it comes to giving your star running back carries in gigantic showdowns against Michigan State?

With the 2013 Big Ten title and a spot in the BCS national title right there for the taking, and Carlos Hyde killing Michigan State for close to seven yards per pop, the offense just stopped giving it to him. Hyde finished with 118 yards on just 18 carries – Meyer blew it, and he knew it.

It’s not like it didn’t work last year – giving it to Ezekiel Elliott 23 times for 154 yards and two scores in the win over the Spartans – but for some strange reason, even though all Ohio State had to do was run the ball, rely on the defense, and get one big play out of the special teams – which it did – and the Connor Cook-less MSU team was sunk. Zeke, who ran the ball 21 times or more in seven of the wins this year, got 12 carries for 33 yards and a score, even though he might be the best one-cut-and-go back in college football.

“Stern firm and young with a laid-back tongue/
The aim is to succeed and achieve at 21”

Oh, no, college football. No, no, no … NO. We’re NOT doing this. We’re not to get dragged down into the morass of catch/not-a-catch debates and interpretations, and we’re not going to become like the drudgery that’s made sitting through NFL game like watching c-span.

This whole “complete the catch” thing is absolutely moronic, and it has to stop now.

I get it to some extent in the NFL since a player isn’t down until he’s touched, but in college football, if a receiver catches the ball, has clear possession, and he hits the ground, that’s it. Once that knee touches, he’s down, play over, but in the Northwestern-Wisconsin debacle, Jazz Peavy caught what should’ve been the game-winning touchdown for the Badgers in the final seconds, CLEARLY had the ball, rolled over out of bounds, and bobbled it for a moment. It was called a touchdown on the field, and he never lost the ball as he landed in the field of play. Replay ruled it not a touchdown, Wisconsin blew its fourth down shot, game over, Wildcats win.

It didn’t matter – it’s not like either team was playing for anything more than decent bowl position – but I don’t like the precedent.

Back in the old country, if you catch a football, you catch a football, and if we’re really going to start doing this, then some of the biggest plays and most amazing catches of the season – primarily the epic Chris Owusu play in Stanford’s win over UCLA – shouldn’t have counted.

Fix this, college football. Fix it now. Possession, down, play over. Whatever happens after that should be immaterial.

There’s a big problem when the students throw snowballs better than the QB throws footballs

For all of you who want to argue for teams on record without taking a truly hardcore look at the schedules, Wisconsin this year was almost the perfect example of what might be wrong with the system.

We got it, Iowa. You’re unbeaten, you’re doing what you need to do, you’re finding a way, blah, blah, blah, but Wisconsin lost the 10-6 game in Camp Randall because of four turnovers, including a Joel Stave butt-fumble-caliber mistake that cost the team a sure touchdown. The same goes for the 13-7 Northwestern loss for the Badgers last week with five touchdowns and a few very, very, very questionable calls to overturn a punt return for a touchdown and the late apparent scoring catch from Jazz Peavy.

So if just two plays went the other way, this totally mediocre Badger team would be 10-1 with the lone loss coming in the opener against Alabama. That would mean Bucky would be one win over Minnesota, and one winnable game over a shaky Michigan State – most likely – from getting into the playoff.

The sure-thing, 100%, rock-solid lock, sell the house, sell the kids, no doubt about it picks of the century for this week

Seriously, did I pay for your kid’s college fund? I GAVE you Michigan State. I GAVE you Baylor. I GAVE you Michigan. I GAVE you Oregon. I GAVE you Darien. I GAVE you your manhood. 4-0 ATS … so you know to go screaming the other way.
– 35-10 straight up so far, 29-16 against the spread

1. Baylor -1.5 over TCU
2. Ohio State +1.5 over Michigan
3. Georgia -5 over Georgia Tech
4. Stanford -3.5 over Notre Dame

C.O.W. shameless gimmick item …

The weekly five Overrated/Underrated aspects of the world

1) Overrated: Rivalry Week … Underrated: Championship Week

2) Overrated: Notre Dame … Underrated: KeiVarae Russell

3) Overrated: 15-0 Golden State Warriors … Underrated: 0-15 Philadelphia 76ers

4) Overrated: Paul Rhoads … Underrated: Finally not having to look it up every time I have to spell Paul Rhoads

5) Overrated: Thanksgiving dinner … Underrated: Subway turkey on flatbread

Sorry if this column sucked, I wasn’t my fault …

I didn’t have it. Like Jim McElwain’s Florida Gators, the column was a “dead fish on ice. That’s the energy (I’m) playing with right now.”